Category:Christian Sex Books

From Neoredemptive

There is an apparently sizable market for books that discuss sex from a (sometimes nominally) Christian perspective, either as the main topic or as a major subtopic (e.g., any respectable book on marriage).

Doc's Rant

I've read many books that touch on Christian sexuality. Most of them stink. Broad books about Christian marriage tend to reduce the whole subject to a few ham-fisted stereotypes ("ladies, expect your husband to be a lot hornier than you are; guys, you have to be nice to your wife if you want her to put out") and offer little that's useful in the way of resources or guidance in re-shaping our understanding and approach to sexuality. The death-soaked ideas the world feeds us need to be answered with a redemptive, Christ-centered vision for being erotic to the glory of God.

My biggest complaint is that, even among the books that intentionally deal with sex, most are extremely weak on pastoral subtlety and wisdom. By that I don't mean that they lack good counsel for the "common case", but rather that they do not do justice to the world of sexual dysfunction and brokenness that we find ourselves in. Most Christian marriages, without too much trouble, manage to stumble into a reasonable level of relational and sexual intimacy before they hit a wall and need help. They want deeper intimacy and trust, a more fulfilling sex life, a more sincere connectedness. There's nothing wrong with wanting those things, or with resourcing couples who are seeking those things, and most of the books out there -- even the stinkiest ones -- probably offer enough coaching to at least get productive conversations started. But most books contribute virtually nothing of value to the conversations of couples stuck in abject sexual dysfunction. They have little to say to the woman whose husband is so shamed by his erectile problems that he prefers shunning all physical affection to risking humiliation. They have little to say to the man whose wife does not jump his bones in gratitude for him having brought home flowers and doing the dishes. They have little to say to the couple whose relationship is rich in communication and shared experiences but where, for whatever reason, one spouse has sexually shut down or shut out the other.

My hope is, some day, to find a book for Christians that does better than one or two paragraphs telling men with symptoms of impotence to seek medical treatment and pastoral counsel, or better than a subtle and oblique mention that some women's dyspareunia may require her to seek help with emotional and physical healing. I want to find a book that talks about high-libido wives and low-libido husbands instead of simply assuming the stereotype. I want to find a book that confronts the myriad forms of sexual selfishness (manipulation, refusal, guilt, unreasonable expectations in either direction, etc) and calls them out as sexual sin in the same category as adultery, fornication, and other forms of unfaithfulness. I want to find a book that talks about the devastating impact of sexual brokenness -- our sins of today and of yesterday, sins against us present and past, and sins past and present of and against our spouses. I want to find authors who can talk about situations like these wisely and transparently in a Christ-centered way, whether from an autobiographical perspective or from a pastoral perspective, and can begin to talk about what the roads to healing might look like. I want to find someone who can talk substantively about a way forward for couples for whom the clichéd recommendations do more harm than good.

Recommended Resources

• http://www.themarriagebed.com/